Journalist Snidre in the Land of Blahs

(Editor’s Note: The March 24, 1992 Land of Blahs Charity Show in Topeka featured a collection of legislators, lobbyists, lawyers and the financially loaded in an evening of satirical musical performances, including “Gee Journalist Snidre,” which was sung to the tune of “Gee Officer Krupke” from the musical West Side Story.)

Dear friendly Mr. Snider, you gotta understand, your awful, ugly columns are getting out of hand. The citizens don’t like us, you’ve made them think we’re drunks. Back off, Dickie, where as pure as monks!

Gee journalist Snider, we’re very upset, we never get the praise that folks like us ought to get. We’re not just some dummies, we’re misunderstood. Deep down inside us there is good!

There is good! There is good! There is good! There is a world of good! Yes, inside of all of us is good!

We lobbyists really are good! So tell it to the man!

Dear kindly Mr. Snider, you’re you sure do treat us rough, with all your spiteful columns, you make our life so tough. We really helped the process, but in your eyes were bad. Holy muckrake! That’s why we’re so mad!

Gee, journalist Snider, you’re so far off base, we’re debonair, intelligent, and filled with good grace. We work in the Statehouse to make things go right, please understand that we’re no blight!

We’re no blight! They’re, no blight! They’re no blight! They’re no evil blight! All they try to do is make things right!

You think he treats you rough?! What about us legislators! Yeah, Tell him about it!

Dear Dicky do, you meanie! We’ve really lost our cool. We’re sick of being played for the government fool. So what if our retirement has got too many frills. Creepy KPERS! Pick on other bills!

Journalist Snider, you’ve been so unfair, us legislator types are real good people, we swear! Your columns have dealt us a terrible blow, so psychologically, we’re low!

We’re so low! They’re so low! They’re so low! They’re so gall-derned low. Your demeaning comments are a blow!

You think you’ve got it bad?! Look at what he says about lawyers! So let him have it!

Dear anti lawyer Snider, you hit us twice as hard, as lobbyists and lawyers, our reputations marred. Our legal minds are needed to create laws that work. Golly gee whiz! That makes me a jerk?!

Geez, journalist Snider, you’ve done it again, us legal folks have been besmirched by your poison pen. We really are people that solons can trust. Thus, our involvement is a must!

It’s a must! It’s a must! It’s a must! It’s a surefire must! ‘Cause in God and lawyers, they must trust!

You seem to think we’re crazy.
You seem to think we drink!
You seem to think we’re lazy!
You seem to think we stink!
You seem to think we’re stalling, and don’t want to go home!
Snider wake up! Come down to the dome!

Then journalist Snider, you clearly will see, the statehouse ain’t the awful place you think it to be. If after your visit you still think we’re boors, then journalist Snider, !*&#!


Leave a Reply